Friday, August 6, 2010

Assh berry locked in, Roger is apart and I see a Jersey wearing Auto Driver!

It is a late morning. I get comfortable in my bed and yawn sleepily. It is 8 o clock and the birds are chirping in the window sill, but I feel as if I am on a pill. "Brrrrrr"Brrrr" My pillow shakes as if it is an earthquake. I open my eyes with a jerk and push my hand below the pillow to retrieve the phone. Thats how I get up every morning, to the sound of my 'AsshBerry'. I check the message with one open eye and get up in alarm as I look at the time. I then look around to see if mom is in sight and stealthily check my mail on the phone. Once that morning ritual is over, I groan and get myself out of bed, coz Gosh! it aint a sunday, but very much a work day! :(

I go about doing my morning duties a little reluctantly and get bogged down in the process with the need to text one or the other. It is 10, and I have to be in office by 10. My colleague messages me - asking where I am? I message her saying I am on my way. I get Roger out and dump my bag and lunch in the dikki and close it with a shove. Then I realize I need my glasses to drive, if I dont want to become blind by driving in the sand and dust in the chennai roads which are permanently under maintenance, for reasons only known to the government.

So I put the key in the lock and try to open it. Once, Twice, Thrice. Nope. Again, Once, Twice an Thrice. Nope. I call my mom. Nope. No hope at all.

So I take it to the service center. They try for an hour and it is 11. They pull out the lock but are unable to take the seat up. They tell me it will take half a day to get my things out. I shake my head wildly and tell them with high importance - "No, I have my phone inside, you have to GET IT OUT somehow now. This minute! My clients will call me, what will I do?" earning a look from mom.

They just spread their hands out helplessly. I walk back home dejected, when my mom tells me- "Do you realize, your lunch is also inside?". I look at her and exclaim - "No, I completely forgot! What do I do now for lunch?". Mom says - "Come home". It is 11:30 already, and my lunch is at 1. I say all upset "Fine, just make sure I get my phone back by then". Mom remarks to that by saying she is really happy today, coz I am mobileless :( How mean!

I get some cash and come to catch an Auto. The Auto driver wears a jersey and a half pant. He talks Tanglish and keeps singing 'Rest my soul'

Jersey Auto Driver (JAD) - "Where?"
Me - (I tell him the place)
JAD - "40 Rs"
Me - "No"
JAD - "That is a one way"
Me - "It is not that far"
JAD "35 Rs"
Me - "No 30"
JAD - "The petrol prices are up"
Me - "You can afford it"
JAD - "Fine, come"

I get in.

Me - "Take the parallel road, incase this has traffic"
JAD takes the parallel road and we end up in even more traffic

JAD - "See, this is why I dont come through these routes, see how inconvenient it is"
Me - "you could have taken the next road even"
JAD - "Is this fair? you already wont pay me what I asked you, and you tell me to go through a long route, why even via beach we can go. Ok, Anything you want. You are not concerned about us, all that you are worried is the need to reach the destination"

I keep quiet.

JAD takes some shortcuts and is singing 'rest my soul' now

JAD - "Which school?"
Me - (I mumble some name)
JAD - (He asks me another school's name)
Me - "Yes, Yes"
JAD - "You stay here?"
Me - "Yes"
JAD - "Where are you working?"
Me - "With auditors"
JAD - "Oh CA, even my relative is studying CA, you have to work with these people before you can start your own firm right?"
Me- "Yup"
JAD - "How did you study?"
Me- "At home"
JAD - "Can I drop you in the signal before the crossing, coz it is one way after that?"
Me- "Ok"
JAD - "Good, you agree atleast to that"
JAD - "You have a smiling face. Be the same. It is good to see a smiling face early in the morning. Dont change.

At this moment I am getting confused about this hi tech auto driver why is he telling me all this crap, when the place I have to get down comes. He stops there.

JAD - "Dont mind ok, that I did not drop you near your office. I have to pick my lunch for my daughter now"
Me -Gives him the money.
JAD - He takes it "Bye"

I walk back without turning around wondering what a weirdo JAD is and still thinking what is his qualification, and why is he driving an auto. With the english he knows, he can work in some call center pretty easily.

I get to office at around 12:30 with a sorry face telling everyone how my phone is locked in. They console me saying it is ok. I then get my colleagues phone and message my team - "Phone locked in Dikki, contact me through this number" And, once that is sent - the calls keep pouring till 1 and mom also calls to say the phone and bag are back safe.

I get home and the first thing I do is check the messages. Of course, there were no messages, coz I told them all I dont have the phone with me silly :p But I had to check, just in case. And it is a ritual I do every 5 minutes, while I spend the other four texting :p

Mom gave me a look and said she planned to hide my phone someday. :( And I think, just how technologically dependent we have become. I felt as if I did not have my right hand without my phone :\ Now that is food to thought for someone to have lived without a Cellphone until 2 years back :)

Driving people insane as always!

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