Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pre-Wedding Madness...

1. Amma, clothes and She madness!

She: *Keeps pulling clothes one after the other from her wardrobe* Amma, I have so much clothes!!

Amma: I know. And you are not taking everything with you.

She: *Looks dismayed* Why not?

Amma:You can take them when you visit us.

She: But *Looks longingly at the wardrobe*

Amma:What? Are you not planning to pop in here once you get married?

She: *smiles sheepishly* Yeah, but I need this, this and this too Amma :(

2. Amma, shopping and she madness!

She: Amma, lets go bangle shopping

Amma: Okay

She: *Keeps adding bangles one after the other to the basket*

Amma: Remember I also got you gold and diamonds?

She: *says absently* - yeah yeah * bills it*

Amma:*Freaks at the bill*

She: But Amma, these are so cool! Puhleesseee...

Amma:: *Finally gives in*

3. Appa, footwear and she madness!

Appa:  You have 16 pairs of footwear! This is where all my money went? and still you want three more?

She: No Appa, you dont get it. I am still economical in what I got, See the first 16 pair were cheap stuff and can be worn only for occasions. But the three new ones are to be worn daily. So I need this as well as that. Makes sense right? *smiles widely*

Appa: *Rolls his eyes and exclaims that she is crazy but finally gives in*

4. Friends and she madness!

She: *Buzzes Shilpa and Abirami at 2:00 a.m* - Oye, I think I am shit scared. I cant sleep :(

Abby: *Buzzes back at 2:45 a.m* Just go sleep

She: * Buzzes at 3:00 a.m* Okay

Shilpa: *Buzzes at 10:00 a.m.* Everyone goes through this panic, you have to manage it. Just go get a massage done and relax yourself.

She: * Buzzes immediately* I know!

*In a couple of hours*

She: *Buzzed to Shilpa and Abby* Oye! I am bloody excited about this whole thing! It is going to be fantaboulous!

Abby: *Instant Buzz back* Tell me about it!

She: *Instant Buzz back* I am finally getting out of chennai! And I am soo excited about it!

Abby: *Instant Buzz back* Thats all eh!

Shilpa: *Rolls her eyes when she met her in person*  

5. Chocolate and she madness!

 45 days and still ticking with not a single bit of chocolate. Till the M&Ms freaked her out.

Chocolate: I am mad at you, so I am sneaking into your house through one Ms. Alice John and am gonna make myself irresistible.

She:  No you cant make yourself irresistible...... 

She:*Deep thought as she gets the M&Ms*  well let me just have an handful of you.

*Time to stop*

She: Just one more handful, what harm!

*Warning signals go up*

She: Just one last handful.

*Looks around guiltily and then packs the M&Ms and decides to put it way up the shelf, but on second thought keeps it for packing to ooru!*

Chocolate: *Evil Mogambo laughter* Muhahahahha! I told ya did I not!

6. Shopping and she madness:

She shopped all day and even some nights, and still the to buy list never came to an end. Resulting in piles and piles of things stacked in her room and her wondering how she is gonna pack them all and drag them all the way to chettinad in just 4 days. She has already booked (or should she say dumped them with goods) all the luggages and baggages available in the house for her use and wonders how the rest of the family are gonna pack their clothes :p

7. Scooty and she madness:

Without heed to constant warnings, she still keeps buzzing off the chennai lanes in that scooty pep of hers. And well, it still seems to put up with her. Of course, it is a 5 year long association and one which has took her through the ups and more specifically the downs in the roads of life and chennai. When the roads were bumpy, it did not give her a smooth ride. But safe she went to where she went.

Driving people insane as always!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Zany's wisecracks...

Having been bitten by the 'What's on your mind' bee from FB, I wanted to write 'Something new, Something borrowed, Something blue, Something old'. Appreciation expected. You can even go one step further and put these up as your status updates :p. Take it from me, I wont charge for it.
  1. If something has to go wrong, it will go wrong. Quit trying to control the situation.
  2. Relationships need efforts. From both sides.
  3. Never take anyone for granted.
  4. Dont assume things, you will always be wrong in the end of the day.
  5. Life never stops. It is only us who think life has come to an abrupt end.
  6. It does not matter how many years you live. What matters is how much life you put into those years.
  7. Only you can dig yourself out of that depression hole 6 ft deep that you just recently plunged in with comfort food.
  8. If everything is going as per your plan, then obviously you have overlooked something.
  9. Whenever you plan something, there is always something that has to be done before the plan.
  10. The Next door neighbor's dog never barks at anyone but you.
  11. The time to judge things as right or wrong comes only when the mind takes control and the heart remains silent.
  12. Judging people before you know them can always land you in soup.
  13. Oh God! Oh God!. I never say 'Why God'
  14. Always try to take the middle path to all problems when you can.
  15. Never cry after the ship has sailed.
  16. It is only on you that the crow lands its shit.
  17. You can never say which way the train went by looking at its tracks.
  18. Stop whining FB does not have a 'Dont like' button, or 'Dont care' button. If you dont like it or dont care, shut up and move on.
  19. Relationship status: Its complicated. Does that mean He likes her. She likes someone else. And that someone else likes him??
  20. Most managers seldom know what they are doing.
  21. You can always get out of trouble, if you are a consultant - saying you did suggest an alternative, it was the client who chose the other solution.
  22. Consultant - Client relationship: If there is a problem. Consultant suggests solution.Client executes it. Consultant charges for it. But if there is no problem.Consultant creates the problem. Takes time to find a solution to it (coz you cant find a solution to something with the same attitude with which it was created in the first place) Client executes it. Consultant charges royally for it.
  23. Job of any consultant is to make things complicated.
  24. Suggest to your company to let you work in your PJs and justify it by saying employee comfort boosts the work process. Better comfort Better return.
  25. If life gives you lemons, Dont try to make orange juice.
  26. Tell some one there are more than a billion stars in the night sky they will believe you. But if you tell them, the bench has wet-paint they will touch it to be sure.
  27. It is sometimes your mistakes that gives you a whole new meaning to your life.
  28. If we stopped making mistakes, how will hell survive?
  29. Nothing ever goes according to budget plans, but it is mandatory it is drawn.
  30. Humans only make small mistakes. But a computer can make humongous mistakes.
  31. It is not what is said that matters, it is what that is not said which matters.
  32. Dont try to understand a complex process. It was designed that way.
  33. When everything you tried still did not get you your cup of tea, it is time to read the instructions on the back of the tea pack.
  34. Whatever goes up, eventually will come down. So dont bother about all those people high on their high horses. They will be back with a bad hangover the next day.
  35. If you feel something is too good to be true, it probably is. So stop contemplating on whether to accept it or not.
  36. Never make friends with anyone crazier than you, then you will lose your attention.
  37. Life is one whole set of trailing dots......
  38. I know looking back at the tears shed in the past will make me laugh. But I never realized that looking back at the laughs I had will bring tears.
  39. Everybody gets caught in one of life's biggest tangled mess called 'Love' :-)
  40. If you cant cry and be sad. You cant laugh and be happy either.
  41. Nothing looked expensive when you were spending Dad's money!
  42. Only you can mess your life. No one else has that right.
  43. All desirable things in life are either banned, illegal, expensive or married to someone else. My bad I say :(
  44. It is better to have loved and got burnt, rather than not to love at all.
  45. The best pair in the world are laughter and tears. They never meet. But if they did, that is like the best moment.

Driving people insane as always!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Beat Boredom, Get Wacky :D

Ever felt bored, and wanted to bang your door down in frustration. Focus the energy spent on frustration by doing some of the following. Your life will never be bored :p
  1. Recite the alphabet backwards, If you can say it straight, you can say it back too. Once you have mastered it, say all your friend's and family' names backwards. That would be so much fun - Zany would become Ynaz. Alice would become Ecila, Preethi would be Ihteerp and so on....
  2. Jog backwards, then sideways inside your house. Go front 20 jogs, Go back 15 jogs. See how much time it would take you to complete the entire stretch from one corner of your room to the other.
  3. Get some washable paint, and paint you neighbor's dog in Polka, and hide him in the closet of someone you hate.
  4. Take the phone book and randomly call someone, and ask for the person. When asked who it is , tell them 'God'.
  5. Go to your terrace, light a match and yell at the top of your voice - 'Fire! Fire!'
  6. Ask your friends over for a sleepover, and dump the smallest of your friends in the veranda in the middle of the night.
  7. Call up Kentucky Fried Chicken and ask if they have 'Fish Fry'.
  8. Go to the mall, Bring some crutches, Take off your shoe and walk around the mall in crutches keeping your leg stiff.
  9. Collapse on the floor, and pretend you are unconscious.
  10. Go to Mc. Donald's, order 200 Rs worth food, and when they ask 'Is that all?' Add a 'Fillet o fish'. When they say it is not available. Tell them to forget the whole order and move on.
  11. Walk into Cafe Coffee day, locate a nice place to sit. Keep the waiter waiting for an hour by asking him to come back later. Walk out excusing yourself that your friend did not turn up.
  12. Take your ignorant friend to a makeover, and dye his/her hair purple and argue the whole day with the hair dresser, this is not what you wanted and demand your money back.
  13. Click all your friends stuff and sell it on ebay!
Warning: The author is in no way responsible if you were showered with slippers and tomatoes for having done any of the above. If you did end up with a good pile of slippers and tomatoes, just make money out of it by reselling them online, under a pretension that they are very famous and rare.

Driving people insane as always!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Conversations with the inner self.

'Oh why! Oh why!' My inner self screams in exasperation. It yells to me, 'You are never going to follow it, then why waste the time and effort'. But, I constantly battle with my inner self, it has almost become a day to day hobby to do when I am bored. So, as a habit I said - 'You shut up, I will stick to it this time'. My inner self just grunted again in disapproval.

So I sat thinking. What will I resolve to this year. Hmmmmm..

'What did you resolve last year?' My inner self quipped in sneaking behind my shoulder peering into my computer screen as I sat thinking.

'Last year?' I say absently and think.

'You dont even remember? ' my inner self asked me sarcastically

'The past does not matter, the present does' I say irritably at the sarcasm.

My inner self waits for me to continue.

'I mean, its over, why cry over split milk. Yes, it was a good year, better than the previous one, but I still wish it was better.There is a whole new year ahead. Lets start new. Lets look at it fresh. Lets do things different' I smile with amusement, imagining what different things I would like to do. My imagination runs from as high as hanging from a cliff on the highest mountain to shivery dips in ice cold lakes. Then I sigh.

'Why this big sigh?' my inner self asks me knowingly.

'I just dream. I never materialize them' I say sadly.

'QED' my inner self stated smugly.

I knocked her head and pushed her in. 'Don't you dare peep, Even though I don't materialize them. I still will dream. I like to dream. It makes me feel good, and maybe this year I will make an effort to do atleast some of them'

My inner self muttered to herself ' I have heard this one a million times' and yawned.

I gave it an annoyed glance and went to put my 'List of resolutions for the year 2011'

Resolutions for the year 2011

1.The person who will be most important to you this year will be 'YOU' :

(My inner self let out a giggle to stop instantly seeing my murderous glance at it)

I want to quit caring about what others think, and want to care about what I do think in any situation. If I would want to do it with no harm to my conscience. And more than anything, do I really want to do it because I want to do it, and not because others expect me to do it. The person whose opinions matter most would not be others, but me. I mean, They dont live my life, but I do.

('yeah yeah! as if you will follow this one to the 'T'' my inner self peered at me lying on her stomach, while I just gave her a glare and went on to the next one)

2. I will be regular to gym:

(My inner self looked with glee as she thinks she might nearly win the battle that I wont stick to my resolutions as she sees this one, I look stony faced into the computer as I focus and type)

I have started gymming again in the end of last year. Mainly because I had packed up a few kilos in the time I stopped gymming and wish to get them down and get back in shape. But it has been two months since I started to gym, and only one card ('with input for 30 days' which my inner self is kind enough to inform me with her eyes gleaming with fun at my expense) is over. I am feeling low, because I have lost only a kilo in two months when I have 6 or more kilos to go down, and more than that I paid for the fee, not Dad. And it was not a small amount. I need to have the decency to feel guilty about wasting money, atleast when it is my money. But every single thought of guilt or feeling down drifts when morning dawns and I have to get myself out of bed early for gym. But, henceforth I resolve I will be regular to gym, or else I will atleast feel guilty the whole day to have wasted a quarter of my money earned.

(my inner self closes her mouth with her hand stifling a laugh at my attempts to stick to my resolutions)

3. Get up early:

(My inner self bounced up and down in uncontrollable laughter just on hearing the words 'Get up early' , her stomach is hurting so much and her eyes are watering with mirth. Hence I will pass by this resolution as I can not focus on why I need to get up early when I hear her incessant laughter)

'You still have more resolutions', my inner self's heads pops up for a moment from her laughter as she looks all teary eyed and still grinning at me. 'Yeah, Yeah, I do' I muttered.

4. Say no to chocolates:

'I would have laughed through this one too, but you need to have this resolution', my inner self nods in agreement to atleast one of my resolutions.

So yes, I am a choco - ho - lic. Who is not? I would ask. But I am very bad. If the craving comes, I dont even care. I just can single handedly finish 3 whole bars of Temptation in just 20 minutes. But, look at the calories it packs, look at the mood swings it creates inspite of the feel good factor. Look at the acne marks in my face

('Ewwww', my inner self nods in agreement much to my displeasure)

So, I need to stay away from them. They have an amazing feel good factor, but when that feeling good ends, it is packed with mood swings and depression. I have to a certain extent been away from chocolate in the last year. But I am not completely cured. I still dream of the oozing dark chocolate fantasies melting and sticking in my mouth that have a taste which is sinfully delicious automatically when I am depressed. So I gotta get rid of that dream.

('You better do that soon girl' my inner self encourages me)

5. Be Positive:

('Will you ever be girl?' my inner self looks at me with little amusement, 'I hope to, See I am already positive I will stick to these resolutions and not drop them mid way as usual' I grin. 'Ah!' my inner self looks at me still with disbelief. 'Oh! Cummon, my resolutions this time are more practical and something I have to stick to' I coax her into believing)

I have been pulling myself down lately. Well, not lately. I always pull myself down. I am never good enough. I am never smart enough. I am never going to get that lucky draw. I am never going to get the first day first show ticket. I am never going to get my dream job. I am never good at even writing. These negative thoughts dominate me on a daily basis. I never shrug it off with a 'So what?' I keep hammering myself down to the ground till I am so small that I can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel and instead see things that are scary and loom so huge and big before me. I never realise nothing worse can happen. At the most, the worse that can happen to a mortal being is death. Life is a short and beautiful journey between birth and death. Why spend most of it fretting that I am never good enough. I do my best in any situation, and will simply hope for the best. I do what I can do. I am no super woman. Let me do things that make me content. Let me give things my 100%, so even if I do lose in the end, I knew I gave my best.

Being positive, helps you to think and look beyond. You wont be riding a horse in a tin can, but will be reining it in the wild forests with no boundaries.

'There, Dont you think that is an impressive set of resolutions?' I ask my inner self.

'Impressive, if you follow them' my innerself agrees.

'I will, and you better dont deflate me saying that. I will, there is no 'if' I will, I am positive I will' I say in determination.

'Good for you girl, good for me too. Because, that would mean, lesser battles between us, and you doing as I think you ought to do, rather than what people expect you to do' my inner self muses as she re - reads my list of resolutions.

'Yes' I grin.

'So game for it girl' I ask my inner self with joy.

'Count me in' my inner self high fives in approval.


Driving people insane as always!

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