Zany's wisecracks...

Having been bitten by the 'What's on your mind' bee from FB, I wanted to write 'Something new, Something borrowed, Something blue, Something old'. Appreciation expected. You can even go one step further and put these up as your status updates :p. Take it from me, I wont charge for it.

1. If something has to go wrong, it will go wrong. Quit trying to control the situation.
2. Relationships need efforts. From both sides.
3. Never take anyone for granted.
4. Dont assume things, you will always be wrong in the end of the day.
5. Life never stops. It is only us who think life has come to an abrupt end.
6. It does not matter how many years you live. What matters is how much life you put into those years.
7. Only you can dig yourself out of that depression hole 6 ft deep that you just recently plunged in with comfort food.
   
8. If everything is going as per your plan, then obviously you have overlooked something.
9. Whenever you plan something, there is always something that has to be done before the plan.
10. The Next door neighbor's dog never barks at anyone but you.
11. The time to judge things as right or wrong comes only when the mind takes control and the heart remains silent.
    
12. Judging people before you know them can always land you in soup.
13. Oh God! Oh God!. I never say 'Why God'
    
14. Always try to take the middle path to all problems when you can.
15. Never cry after the ship has sailed.
16. It is only on you that the crow lands its shit.
17. You can never say which way the train went by looking at its tracks.
18. Stop whining FB does not have a 'Dont like' button, or 'Dont care' button. If you dont like it or dont care, shut up and move on.
19. Relationship status: Its complicated. Does that mean He likes her. She likes someone else. And that someone else likes him??
20. Most managers seldom know what they are doing.
21. You can always get out of trouble, if you are a consultant - saying you did suggest an alternative, it was the client who chose the other solution.
22. Consultant - Client relationship: If there is a problem. Consultant suggests solution.Client executes it. Consultant charges for it. But if there is no problem.Consultant creates the problem. Takes time to find a solution to it (coz you cant find a solution to something with the same attitude with which it was created in the first place) Client executes it. Consultant charges royally for it.
23. Job of any consultant is to make things complicated.
    
24. Suggest to your company to let you work in your PJs and justify it by saying employee comfort boosts the work process. Better comfort Better return.
25. If life gives you lemons, Dont try to make orange juice.
26. Tell some one there are more than a billion stars in the night sky they will believe you. But if you tell them, the bench has wet-paint they will touch it to be sure.
27. It is sometimes your mistakes that gives you a whole new meaning to your life.
28. If we stopped making mistakes, how will hell survive?
29. Nothing ever goes according to budget plans, but it is mandatory it is drawn.
30. Humans only make small mistakes. But a computer can make humongous mistakes.
31. It is not what is said that matters, it is what that is not said which matters.
32. Dont try to understand a complex process. It was designed that way.
33. When everything you tried still did not get you your cup of tea, it is time to read the instructions on the back of the tea pack.
34. Whatever goes up, eventually will come down. So dont bother about all those people high on their high horses. They will be back with a bad hangover the next day.
35. If you feel something is too good to be true, it probably is. So stop contemplating on whether to accept it or not.
36. Never make friends with anyone crazier than you, then you will lose your attention.
37. Life is one whole set of trailing dots......
38. I know looking back at the tears shed in the past will make me laugh. But I never realized that looking back at the laughs I had will bring tears.
39. Everybody gets caught in one of life's biggest tangled mess called 'Love' :-)
40. If you cant cry and be sad. You cant laugh and be happy either.
41. Nothing looked expensive when you were spending Dad's money!
42. Only you can mess your life. No one else has that right.
43. All desirable things in life are either banned, illegal, expensive or married to someone else. My bad I say :(
44. It is better to have loved and got burnt, rather than not to love at all.
45. The best pair in the world are laughter and tears. They never meet. But if they did, that is like the best moment.
    

Zanychild
Driving people insane as always!

Beat Boredom, Get Wacky :D

Ever felt bored, and wanted to bang your door down in frustration. Focus the energy spent on frustration by doing some of the following. Your life will never be bored :p

1. Recite the alphabet backwards, If you can say it straight, you can say it back too. Once you have mastered it, say all your friend's and family' names backwards. That would be so much fun - Zany would become Ynaz. Alice would become Ecila, Preethi would be Ihteerp and so on....
2. Jog backwards, then sideways inside your house. Go front 20 jogs, Go back 15 jogs. See how much time it would take you to complete the entire stretch from one corner of your room to the other.
3. Get some washable paint, and paint you neighbor's dog in Polka, and hide him in the closet of someone you hate.
4. Take the phone book and randomly call someone, and ask for the person. When asked who it is , tell them 'God'.
5. Go to your terrace, light a match and yell at the top of your voice - 'Fire! Fire!'
6. Ask your friends over for a sleepover, and dump the smallest of your friends in the veranda in the middle of the night.
7. Call up Kentucky Fried Chicken and ask if they have 'Fish Fry'.
8. Go to the mall, Bring some crutches, Take off your shoe and walk around the mall in crutches keeping your leg stiff.
9. Collapse on the floor, and pretend you are unconscious.
10. Go to Mc. Donald's, order 200 Rs worth food, and when they ask 'Is that all?' Add a 'Fillet o fish'. When they say it is not available. Tell them to forget the whole order and move on.
11. Walk into Cafe Coffee day, locate a nice place to sit. Keep the waiter waiting for an hour by asking him to come back later. Walk out excusing yourself that your friend did not turn up.
12. Take your ignorant friend to a makeover, and dye his/her hair purple and argue the whole day with the hair dresser, this is not what you wanted and demand your money back.
13. Click all your friends stuff and sell it on ebay!

Warning: The author is in no way responsible if you were showered with slippers and tomatoes for having done any of the above. If you did end up with a good pile of slippers and tomatoes, just make money out of it by reselling them online, under a pretension that they are very famous and rare.

Zanychild
Driving people insane as always!