Saturday, September 10, 2005

comparative merits of singledom

For all those lucky singles out there who are bemoaning their fate and contemplating drastic measures like asking someone out, stop right now and enjoy ur luck while u can! U never know when that dangerous armed madman with a grudge against humanity may strike you (Cupid, for the uninitiated) and transform you from a rational being to a delusional, mush spewing mental case who gets weird ideas. Its satan working under the guise of romantic gestures.
I mean, for gods sake, what kind of idiot turns up outside someones balcony at some ungodly hour like 11.30 p.m just because his girlfriend (with whom he has been talking utter nonsense for the past 3 hours instead of doing something productive and fun like sleeping) expressed a sudden, mad desire to see him?
And the whole cards-flowers-teddybear routine is soooo cliched! If ur gonna be dumb, atleast do it in style! Be original!
And those who are in relationships, act with a little more thought on how ur present actions might make u reconsider the state of ur sanity when u have become wiser someday and look back on all this. Worse, what are your grandchildren going to think of you??!!!
If ur gonna set relationship targets, make ur friends rue the day they decided u might not be such a bad person to hang out with, if you notice urself being magnetically attracted to the icky romantic comedies they put on tv from time to time as if to test our strength to endure crap, if the mills and boon kind of books seem suddenly very interesting, if you spend hours talking to yourself and have turned suddenly sickeningly giggly, well my friend u are suffering from moronitis. It is a deadly disease which afflicts those who are low on common sense and whose brains are filled with fluff. Even some normally sane people are known to be afflicted.
So i now choose to spend my vacant hours(read: when i am mindlessly bored enough to write crap like this!) in compiling a list of the merits and advantages of being single. Anyone is welcome to add to it.
• Your phone bill wont go through the roof due to the endless mindless hours spent talking about inane nonsense to your beloved. This is not meant to be taken as an insult to Mr.Graham Bell, whom as we all know is a great man who worked tirelessly to increase profits for the telephone companies.
• You can hang out with whom u want for however long u want without having to worry about whether ur beloved would get offended by the company you keep due to the fact that ur present companions best friends ex-girlfriends cousins senior who dated ur beloveds neighbours daughters friend cheated on her(on the neighbours daughters friend).
• you neednt give up a challenging and inspiring game with your friends after school coz ur gf wants to go watch the new romantic comedy in which Hugh Grant looks sooooooooo cute!! (Ugh!!)
• Girls are not subjected to long boring mindless hours watching cricket or something equally lame with your guy coz he wants to spend time with you AND watch the all important match.
• You cam switch off your cell phone and not give a damn about whether you are gonna miss an important call which may lead to a silly fight which goes something like "You were avoiding me!!" (teary voice) "No sweetie pie of course I wasnt, why would i do that?" "I know its all because of that new girl/boy in your french class, the hot one from Bangalore!!!"(teary dangerous voice) "Of course not, what gave you that idea?" "Oh you think i am stupid, i know u were tal;king to him/her for half an hour yesterday while u were waiting for your car!" (starting to smoke now) "Well, thats coz i was bored u know and i had nothing to do" "U should have thought about me or something! Why couldnt u do that? I am never good enough for you, am I? U dont love me!!!" (its gonna blowwww!!!!)
• No need to use 'affectionate' nicknames which might make other sane people consider you with concern over your mental stability. A few of the most common are -------- snugglebum, babe(u know, like the pig!), sweetiepie, cutie, loverboy/girl, darling, angel, Goddess(not kidding about this one), chocofudge, honeybunny, poobear.......etc etc
.no need to change your unique personality and ur sense of dressing coz ur gf/;bf doesnt like it and thinks that pink is definitely more your colour(barf barf puke puke) and tries to make u wear stuff like wat the backstreet boys wear or Mariah Carey.
.no need to worry abt the damn suntans, pimples,blackcircles etc on ur face
no need to spend lavishly on idiotic beauty products
.no need to burn ur pocket for ur gf,girls in some cases on ur bf on parties, some idiotic movies,restaraunts,gifts etc...etc...
ok this is getting a little too much for me. Will be back again with more stuff to add to the list and please feel free to add your own thoughts and ideas to the list!

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