sobs of the rain

she was playing in the rain....
A beautiful child she was....
she had a little face....
tiny hands and tiny feet in tiny shoes....
she was adorable
she loved the rain....
bcause she and the rain share a special relationship...
yes indeed
like the rain she came down to earth
fresh and pure....
but on reaching earth.....
the rain either becomes usable water or dirty stagnant water.....
and she became a victim of blood cancer.
she was ignorant of it
she was hospitalized her whole life.....
she did not make much friends
her only friend was the rain...
it rained when she was happy
it rained when she was sad
it rained when she was lonely
the 1st drops of rain touched her face
she felt as if a warm and comforting hand touched her...
her company with the rain was coming to an end....
she was ignorant of that too
the doctors had marked her date...
the date of her departure from the world...
they said in a day or two...
the weather reports read
'monsoons are over
no more showers in the comin days'
she was completely drenched
she refused to change into dry clothes......
she slept.....
she died the day after at noon...
the day was hot till noon...
but black clouds appeared around noon
it rained harder and mighter.....
it bid adeiu to its dear friend....
no body understood the weather that day...
nor did they know that the rain cried....
only the soul that rested in noon
could hear the sobs of the rain..........

Alaipayuthey – revisited…part 1

It started as a slight drizzle and became a huge shower. Shakthi looked through the window into the outside world. It was dark, gloomy, raining, cold… she felt secure inside the house. The feeling pf warmth… light… the sense of protection one felt here was inexpressible. This small home built in the not so posh area in Chennai, taken for rent by her and her lovely husband Karthik was heaven for her.
Karthik opened the door, came in drenched and said “are you feeling alright now… are the tablets working?” “I guess so” she smiled at him. He gave her a peck on her cheek, and asked her to sleep and said he had a project to submit tomorrow and so will be busy that night.
She had met with an accident 3 months ago. A bad one, which made them realize their true love….


3 years before…

‘yaro yarodi unoda purushan’

It was a friends wedding. That was when she saw him. He was goofing around with the bridegroom, telling him he was going to dread marriage life. When she asked him …“why dread marriage life? What is wrong with our bridegroom?” He smiled and said “why…nothing wrong with the bridegroom. But who will leave enjoying life to come entangled in marriage blues and commitment”.
She interrupted “you aren’t lucky enough. It’s ok; there are many handsome guys around” and left the place with her friends. He stared back at her with his mouth open, while his friends asked him to stop flirting around.

That was their first meeting… in some small village in Tamilnadu…

Few weeks later…

Shakthi was going to her college via electric train. Karthik saw her from the opposite train. They just stared at each other…
That night Shakthi told her elder sister Poorni about seeing him…while Poorni asked her why is she bothered about some guy. She just replied “some stupid fellow is hanging out of trains and looking at girls” and sighed and went to sleep.
Karthik started following her. He used to ride his bike in full speed raising the engine at her street. He used to come to the station everyday. His friends said he was crazy…he did not even know her name. The only information he knew was that she was a medical student…
Finally, one day he saw her in the train, came to her, took her college book, saw her name and said
“Shakthi, I am not in love with you… I don’t think you are so beautiful… but I fear… all that will happen… think and tell me…” and left the place without waiting for an answer.
The next day he came to college. She went to him
“What is your name?”
“Karthik”
“Karthik… are you rich, do you fail in class often, sit in the last bench… because only rich guys like you come behind girls like this” and turned to go… he called her and waved a bye. She smiled at him…
There goes our next song ‘pachai nirame…pachai nirame’
Karthik made his little niece call her home and speak like her friend’s sister. Shakthi came to the phone. He said “hello...”
“You… who gave you my number?”
“It doesn’t matter…there is a function at my home tomorrow. You have to come…”
“No, I can’t how can I …”
“Look, I am not calling you out to a movie, park or beach… just my home for a function. If you don’t come, I’ll come there to your home. Note down the address. No.17, Ram Chandra Avenue, T.nagar. And come in a sari and not in chudithar”
Without waiting for an answer he kept the phone down.
The next evening… Shakthi came to his house with her sister, dresses in a traditional silk sari. He smiled at her, she just looked at him.
It was a function for Karthik’s sister – in – law, who was 7 months pregnant. She sat with the women who had come, and was singing bajan songs with them. His mother wanted to know who she was. He said ‘the girl he was going to marry’. The word spread like fire in the house. Everyone was pointing at her and saying that Karthik was going to marry her.
Karthik accompanied her and her sister back home in the train. She was very angry for what he said. He said “did I say you wanted to marry? I said I wanted to marry? Anything wrong in that?”
“But you must’ve asked me before….”
“Ok, shall I ask now…?”
“No”
“You are angry that I didn’t ask… If I ask. You say no”
“What now”
“Shall I Say?”
“What”
“That… ‘I love you’”
“What does it mean?”
“Hmm… I love you means, I will do anything for you”
“Will you jump out of the train?”
“No”
“Then”
“What now”
“Is love more important now…?”
“I think so…”
Her station came; she left him standing at the door of the train…
It was Poorni who started the topic at home. She asked her parents what they will say if someone’s parents came to ask for a bride in their home. She added it was not her; it was Shakthi they are going to ask for. Shakthi fled from the place. Her mother called her asking what was happening. Shakthi did not reply. It was Poorni who said “yes mom, Karthik, son of famous criminal lawyer Narassiman… he is a good guy. His parents are coming tomorrow to ask Shakthi’s hand in marriage to their son….”
Her mother shouted at Shakthi, “what is happening Shakthi. Is Poorni telling the truth? We sent you to college to study, not to go behind some guy… you know, even Poorni is not married, she is working to pay your final year fees. You are so irresponsible”
Only her father asked her mother to stop scolding her. They will deal with matters as they come he said.
The next day… Karthik’s parents came to their house. Their house was one of the railway quarters; her father was working in the railways.
Karthik’s father remarked, they had difficulty finding the house. All houses looked similar. Shakthi’s father said “middle class families will be like this only…”
“Oh….ok…so is this your daughter” he asked indicating Shakthi.
“Yes… Shakthi and Poorni.”
“What Poorni, you are the older one I guess. So are you planning for an arranged marriage or like your sister you too…?”
While Karthik’s mother nudged him to keep quiet and said “he is always like this, asking one question or the other, he is a criminal lawyer you see…”
Karthik’s father then said “I have brought up my son Karthik, just like a normal son. I never showered him with luxury.”
“But I have brought up my daughters like princesses”
“Well I thought my son would become a very big software engineer. I did not think he will fall for all this love…”
Shakthi interrupted “sir, no one caught your son in the net. He only…”
“Shakthi…” her father motioned her to keep quiet.
Karthik’s father then said “but I brought up my son teaching him law. Once children reach the age of 20, they must be able to decide their lives…and if it is not for your daughter, if he had brought any other girl on the road and said that he wants to get married to her. I will have to accept it.”
“Stop it sir, when do you get this pride…when you become a little rich…sitting in my house, you are comparing my daughter to someone on the road….”
“Maybe we should forget all our indifference and think about the future of our children”
“Sorry sir”
“What answer will I say if my son asks me…?”
Shakthi’s mom said “that we have dignity”

Karthik saw Shakthi in the station and asked “hey…what happened…?’
“Nothing, they talked, they spoke wrongly, and it turned out to be an indo pak war…”
“Hey…it was just for a formality we asked them permission. Are they going to marry, it is us who is going to get married.”
“What can I do…Karthik? How long do you know me….? 20 weeks…but my parents are my life for 22 years, I can’s leave them, my house, my dog….for you”
“But I will leave everything for you…..”
“Today you will leave everything for me. How should I believe you that tomorrow you won’t leave me for another girl?”
“Hello….your logic is disgusting… now what….sacrifice huh… I am the prey…”
“what is there that there is so much love between us… you saw me…chased me… you made me laugh a little…now you are making me cry… that’s it… if I had said no in the first place, what would have been your reaction…”
“Well, I must’ve thought that you aren’t lucky enough….”
“Think like that now…” and she went away.
He raced behind her “hey…”
They didn’t see each other after that. He had asked her that they could just be no friends…no marriage…no parents…just they both…but she had refused. She said if it is decided to leave the matter, it must be forgotten. We mustn’t push along, and see what happens…
Their lives went on…they did not see each other after that meeting. She even joked back then that she would pray that he would get a very ugly wife.
One day, Karthik’s niece called Shakthi’s number just for fun and handed over the phone to Karthik telling it was for him. Karthik took the phone and said “hello” at the same time when Shakthi said “hello”. There didn’t speak…at last Shakthi kept the phone down.
Some days later Karthik caught hold of Shakthi’s friend and asked her where she was. Her friend asked him back “it seems you and Shakthi had broken up… then why you are bothered?”
“Yes… where is she? I haven’t seen her for the past few days”
“She has gone to US”
“US…!”
“Ok…ok… she hasn’t gone to US; she has gone for a medical camp”
“Medical camp… huh… where?”
“To Cochin”
“Oh…ok…when will she be back?”
“In 3 days… I guess”
“3 days…..”
“Yep…3 days…then she will be back here only na”
“Yeah… thanks…ok...then bye’
“Ya…bye”
He reaches home…urged his mom to give him a cash of Rs.2000, said he was going out of station and will be back in a few days. His mom asked him to take care and be back soon.
There is our next song…. ‘yevano oruvan…’
He reached Cochin the next day… he searched for the medical camp…only to find that it had gone to the next village… he traveled all the way to the next village in the pouring rain.
She was very disturbed in the camp… she couldn’t concentrate on her job. On the last day of the camp they had gone on a boat ride…he saw her from the bridge above the river. She did not see him. He ran all the way down the bridge to the bank of the river.
When she was getting off the boat she saw him approaching her… she was rooted to her place…when he reached her, she broke down to sobs…he pulled her up.
“Hey...”
“Why…why… did it take you so long to find me Karthik?”
“Shakthi I love you….I cant imagine a life with out you…”
“Will you do anything for me…?”
“Should I jump out of a running train…?”
She nodded no “marry me….you be in your place…I in mine…we will break the news when time comes….”
“You want to elope….huh”
“What do you say…yes or no…”
“A doctor’s word has to be followed…” and pulled her into a hug…

The day of the marriage…
Shakthi’s house…
She and Poorni were getting ready. Shakthi was a bit hesitant, it was Poorni who said it was nothing wrong… and asked her to get ready soon… they came out dressed. Seeing both of them in a sari, their mom remarked “what a surprise both of you are wearing sari? Where are you going?” Poorni said “where else mom, I am going to the office, she to the hospital…”
When they were coming out their father came and asked “where are the princesses going?” Shakthi said “I feared that I won’t see you… going to the hospital pa”
They reached the bus stop. When the bus arrived Shakthi said “Poorni….shall we go back home…I am so scared…”
“Ok…come we will go”
“Poorni….”
“Just get in Shakthi… you are becoming paranoid…”
They reached the temple…all their friends were there. Karthik was yet to come… his friends joked that he fled off fearing marriage!!!

Karthik’s house…
As he was coming out of the house…his father was getting in the car to go to the court. Seeing him, his father asked him “where are you going?”
“Friend’s house….”
“Where is it, come I will drop you on the way…”
“It’s ok…pa you proceed…its getting late for you…”
“That’s all right… get in...”
He had no option but to get in...
His father asked him “so…what are you going to do?”
“Me…nothing…”
“I know that…I asked you to take Law…you said no and went behind computers…now what are you going to do?”
“Oh...That….pa, if you could give me surety for the bank loan for the office…then I will have no problem...”
“Humph…what else can I do….I have to give you surety…”
He at last reached the temple… while going in one of his relatives saw him…
“Is this Karthik…that too in the temple…weren’t you a person who doesn’t believe in god….”
“Ya…I’ve come to the temple…aunty, I am planning to elope with a girl what do you say?
“Oh my…you are always like this…go go…god will save you”
“Yes…he will”
He came in. everything was arranged by his friends. They both then exchanged garlands and he tied the man gal sutra…
There is a very sweet song being played behind… ‘Mangalyam thanthunathena …’



End of part 1

Yelukundalavada Tirupathi devasthanam welcomes me……

It was one of the religious centres of the country. Located in the south of India in Andhra Pradesh. My day to visit it from Chennai with my family started.
16th June, 2006:
Morning…
4:30 – alarm rang bells in my ears….
4:40 – mom shouting at me and my bro to get up, or else we might miss the bus…
4:43 – I got up; my bro is still sleeping…
4:50 – I rush out of my room dressed for the journey in a traditional silk chudithar…
5:00 – every one at home is almost ready… doing last minute chores at home.
5:15 – ready to lock the house, checking all the locks in each room, seeing if everything is properly done.
5:20 – leave house to catch auto, to go to the tamilnadu tourism office, where our bus is going to come.
5:45 – reach the office after a bit of searching. It was our first experience with the Tamilnadu tourism board.
6:00 – our bus arrives; it is a mini van with 15 seats.
6:10 – we board the bus; I take the window seat as it is my custom!
6:30 – the bus moves at last… we start our journey.
8:40 – we stop for breakfast at thiruthani, not a bad breakfast… and it was supposed to me limited breakfast with 2 idlis, 1cup of pongal, 1 vada, and sambar and chutney. But the restaurant guy wished to give me a second helping of pongal, I never asked for it. And I myself was trying hard to finish my plate. Lol. Anyway I refused; he tried to persuade me, but then left.
9:00 – we boarded again and resumed our journey; I can’t much account what happened in the next two hours, because I was sound asleep…
11:15 – we reached lower tirupathi; from there we had to change our bus with the local Andhra Pradesh devasthanam bus. The bus wasn’t worth noticing. All that I knew was it wasn’t comfortable one and a very rickety one, in this bus we were going to climb the hill.
12:25 – we reached upper tirupathi, the journey up was quite tiresome, with all those hairpin bends, but the climate was great…
12:30 – our guide made us leave our entire luggage in the cottage and we started walking to the temple. The climate was in such a state that we guessed it was going to rain.
Yeah, it had to rain; I had finally come after some years to this place!
12:45 – we were moving in the long queue for our 100 rupee ticket… inside the temple. Outside, as I said it was raining nicely, it was a lovely sight to see, with the fresh smell of the earth arising by the rain…
1:45 – I guess that was the time we reached the main entrance. Till now the crowd was tolerable. I was beginning to believe that it is not going to be so crowded, and I will have an easy darshan with lord Venkatachalapathi. But how will that happen, once we entered the main entrance, all other people from other queues also joined us, and it was a big queue. No that would be wrong, it wasn’t a big queue, and it was a BIG crowd. I never had to move, they just pushed me in, and I went along with the crowd.
2:00 – still pushing among the crowd. My brother got separated from us, lucky fellow, he went inside and got darshan and came out. We were just trying to get in, when he waved us from outside. My mom called him to come in again. He jumped through the barriers and joined us again. Finally I met lord Venkatachalapathi. Lol. For like 2 seconds. All the security was inside pushing us out. There was no one outside to manage the crowd.
2:15 – we finally made it to the hundi, and gave our offerings. But now we were stuck inside the main entrance, we couldn’t go out. The stupid security was letting everyone in and no one out for a certain period. How dumb can that be? As usual, we pushed through the crowd with great difficulty and managed to get out. Once outside, another security was pushing us out. Hmmm…. Indeed great organization. Even the lord can’t question them, because even the lord will be handcuffed if enough money is not collected in the hundi. I couldn’t believe it when my mom said this. With so much pride to the place, must not they have a proper administration?
2:30 – we finally reached out after getting prasad, we went to some temple nearby, and was going to the cottage. I was dead by that time. My legs were begging me to rest!! But we had to reach the cottage at 3:00 as our guide said, so that then we can go down hill and have lunch.
3:03 – we made it to the cottage, our guide asked us to once again board the local bus down. But we were not moving, why? One north Indian family who came with us were missing, no not entirely, the men were there, their wives were missing, Lol, and our guide was trying to trace them. And also all the cell phones were with the guide, so the ladies in that family did not have cell phones, so no way to contact them, but to search..
3:45 – finally, found them. The bus started. It went pretty fast then the one in which we came up hill…
4:30 – we reached downhill, and had lunch. It too wasn’t bad.
5:00 – we were going to this other temple, which is the temple of the mother of lord Venkatachalapathi. It was a nice one; we went in the quick darshan. It was all good and nice, but here too, you could get to see the goddess for just a maximum of 2 seconds.
5:45 – we were out of the temple, and boarded our bus.
6:00 – we started back to Chennai.
I did not sleep much, but then too I can’t say much about the journey back, as it was all very dark outside.
7:45 – we reached the same restaurant, where we had breakfast in the morning. No one was very hungry, so we had a light dinner. The restaurant had a T.V. and we asked him to change the channel to Espn, to watch the world cup football match. We were the only one to ask for it. You know my brother can’t miss the opportunity to see the match. But, one thing I regretted was that the restaurant T.V. got all the channels, there was no CAS system there. Why should chennaities alone suffer?
8:10 – we boarded the bus again.
10:15 – reached Chennai –guindy, back to home sweet home.
10:30 – reached home finally, I then had to sleep, and I had a class at 6:15 the next morning.
Overall a nice journey, perfectly after my college reopened. The irony was all through my holidays I was at home; once college starts I go out of station.
Lol
Zany child as always…

Generation gap

“Venky, get up everyone’s coming home” he heard his mom’s voice waking him up in the morning. He tried his best to pull the covers back to his head, but alas, his mom was quicker. She pulled the covers from him, and made him get up. He got up yawning and grunting, while his mom pushed him to the bathroom and said “get ready soon; they will be here any minute”.

Restlessly Venky a.k.a Venkataraman got ready and came out to the hall hearing noises there. When he entered a two year old ran up to him and shouted “Venky Anna”. While his aunt came up to him and cried “oh, look at Venkata, evalo perusa valrnthutaan (how big he has grown), I still think he will be a small child, how silly of me” and patted his back, while the two year old clung to him. His aunt looked at him pointing to the child said “you indeed remember juju don’t you, Aarti’s precious daughter, you must’ve seen her as a baby”. While his aunt’s daughter Aarti came around and said a ‘hi’ to him and carried away her daughter. While her aunt was still nagging him saying “doesn’t juju look cute…. She is a beautiful child….” While Venky just muttered to himself ‘juju, nice name indeed for a child like a name one keeps to ones’ pet’.

He saw his grandma approaching, he went and touched her feet like a nice little grandson and said “how are you Patti (grand mom)”. While his grand mom pinched his cheek real hard and said “Venkataraman aa ithu, (is this Venkataraman), hmmm…” and analyses him from head to toe and says “konjam satha podanum, vayasu paiyan ippudiya olliya irrupan, paru killa kooda mudiyalai (he has to put on weight, is this how a teenage boy be thin, see I can’t even pinch him)”. Venky just responds as “Venkataraman illa Patti Venky (it’s not Venkataraman it is Venky)” and just stands there at his place and is thinking how thin he is, indeed he had an athletic body, he did not find him thin, but according to his grand mom he guessed she will accept him as healthy if he is fat as a teddy bear!

He then said he had to get ready for college and left the place and went to his room, only to find it in a big mess. His whole room was upside down, the two twins (Aarti’s first twin sons) were now repairing his guitar. He fled to them and pulled the guitar away from them. Twin no.1 demanded “Venky Anna. Give it back”, twin no. 2 said “we are trying to fix back the wire that came out”. He looked at his guitar in horror, not a wire, many wires were dangling down. He shooed them away from the room and drooped on his bed with his hands on his heads. His mom entered and asked him to adjust to the people in his house, and even more alarmed him by saying that he had to share his rooms with the twins. If he couldn’t get along with this, his mom further made him frustrated by saying that, “Venky come home on time for this one week, no hanging out with your friends late in the evening, ok, please Patti (grand mom) will not like it if you come home late”. He kicked the floor and went to get ready.

He had put on an open shirt with a t-shirt inside, seeing him his grand mom came and buttoned the shirt up to his neck making him choke and in the process advising of proper clothes that should be worn to college, and she put some ash on his fore head, saying he must believe in god. He almost spoke back while he caught his mom’s pleading look, he just left. Once outside he unbuttoned his shirt and sped away on his bike. On reaching college, his best friend Varun joked at him “What Venky, looking all religious man”. Venky just grunted and said, about his relatives at home, Varun said “man, that’s going to suck having them for a whole week, and so are you not coming to Kitu’s party, she will kill you if you are not there, she will fret for a whole week saying what a useless boyfriend she has got, who can’t even attend her party.” Venky said “well it won’t become as worse, that then, she would have to dump me, oh my god, I promised her I will take her to a movie today (groan) and did I tell you that life sucks”.

“How could you do this to me Venky, I’ve been waiting to watch this movie, and you just say ‘sorry I can’t make it today’, now… now…. I don’t need any explanations. Don’t tell me you can’t make it today because of your relatives, such a lame excuse, you hoped I will fall for it, never…. Just go Venky, I am so disappointed” Kitu stormed out of the room. Venky just looked back at her helplessly, and said to himself ‘just for a movie she is mad, what will happen if I tell her I can’t make it to the party too…’ while Varun came in and said “probably, she’ll kick your ass man”.
When he reached home, the air was filled with a delicious aroma; his grand mom was making sweets. When he went in, his grand mom came to him and stuffed his mouth with a big piece of ‘mysore pak’ telling him she made it for him. She even joked “china vayasula nee, thirututhanama Mysore pakka eduthu sapiduva, ithuku unnoda thatha odantha (when you were small you used to steal this Mysore pak and eat it, your grandpa was a part of the crime)”. Venky just said “athu china vayasula Patti (that was when I was small grand mom), now I don’t like it much” and went to his room.
His whole room was a mess, he couldn’t say anything, and the twins were messily sleeping in his bed, he just went and sat in his chair and was messaging Kitu, pacifying her, and using all techniques to woo her, while suddenly he jumped at the voice of his aunt, she came into the room and was asking him to take his coffee on the table. Seeing him engrossed in the cell phone, said that “ennada (what da) all the time you are doing something with that phone of yours…. Hmmm… I can not understand this generation kids, my time wasn’t like this…” and left the room.

He rushed to college the next day; Kitu was in such a bad mood, when she heard that Venky was not coming to her party tomorrow. She wasn’t convinced with his excuses. She did not talk the whole day, however hard Venky tried. At last he gave up, and sat dejectedly during lunch. Varun was goofing around as usual in the canteen area, trying to woo the first yr girls. Then noticing Venky slumped in the chair, he went up to him and hit his back jovially, telling him problems came and went. And Kitu was just in one of her bad boyfriend phases, she will get over it. Then, Venky made up his mind, no matter what he is going to make it to Kitu’s party tomorrow. He did not care of his aunt or his grand mom or the messy twins.

he went home determined. He told everyone at home that he will be late tomorrow; he did not care if they had a puja at home. He needed to go to his friend’s party. Even his mothers pleadings that he has to be there tomorrow, as his father has gone out of station and the puja needs a male member of the family fell on deaf ears. He wasn’t willing to change his mind. His grand mom said something about how children now-a-days are becoming very irresponsible and careless and said she completely disapproved the behavior of Venky. Venky just shot back saying, he did not care what she said.

The party was a total blast the next evening. Venky was having all the fun he could. When he was dancing with Kitu, his cell phone vibrated… he saw the display and cut the phone. When Kitu asked him who it was, he just replied ‘home’ and went back dancing. After a few minutes the phone vibrated again. He got so frustrated that he gave the phone to Varun and asked him to tell he went somewhere. Then again after a few minutes, the phone which was now in Varun’s hand vibrated again. Varun said maybe he should take the call. Kitu agreed with him, she said it may be urgent.

Venky grunted and took the phone. He heard his mother’s voice all panicky. She was almost crying over the phone. She asked him immediately to come home, saying between sobs that the screens in the hall caught fire. They were doing this puja and the twins were messing around with the match box, no one knew it and they had accidentally set the screens on fire. She did not say more, she was sobbing hard. Venky panicked, and transferred the message to his friends. The all rushed to his home, he was all sweaty when he reached there. An ambulance had come. He rushed inside; his mom came and hugged him. “Oh Venky…look what happened. Juju got injured…..what we will do”. His aunt was crying badly in one corner. He heard that his grand mom has collapsed. He felt terrible. He felt guilty for what happened. They rushed to the hospital, and miraculously juju recovered, and his grand mom was alright. His friends consoled him; still he did not feel good.

He went to his grand mom’s room the next night and asked her to forgive him. He blamed himself for whatever that happened. He said he mustn’t have gone to that party. He must have remained home. He then broke off. He was crying like a child. He said he couldn’t have bared it if anything had happened to her. Hearing his cries, his mom and aunt came to the room. They tried to console him it wasn’t his fault that it happened. They must have understood his needs that he needs to spend time with his friends too. It was there fault that they had been careless enough to let the kids play with the match box.

His grand mom just smiled and said “onnoda thappu illa Venky, anna onna mattum therinchuko, nee evalo importance unnoda friendsuuku kudukuriyo, athula pathiyavathu unnoda vetiku kudu, naanum unnoda vayasa thandi thaan vanthiruken. Ennaku theriyum ippo unaku ellame friends thaan, nanga ethu sonnalum onnaku thappa than theriyum, aaparum purinchikuva, ippo poi paduthuko (its not your fault Venky, but know one thing, how much importance you give to your friends give at least half of it to your family, even I was your age once. I know now for you everything is your friends, what ever we say you will find it to be wrong, you will realize it later, now go and sleep)”

He looked at her through watery eyes and went to bed, making a resolution that he will never hurt his family again, by his senseless behavior.

My Mr. Brain is rusted with the help of nerve ‘A’

I’ve recently been thinking about a topic to blog about. Well no hope in that area, I guess it is a tough area to think about. You may think what is tough for a blogger to think about a topic to blog for. Well, I am in loss of topics; I could not find a suitable topic, so finally I decided I will blog about my search for topics in my brain.
I know this is a totally boring topic, but guess you people out there can humor me by reading it….
Read on...
This is how it went…

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“Knock knock”-the door was tapped in the headquarters of my body, the brain.
“Come in” motioned Mr. Brain.
It was one of the nerves of my nervous system (I read once in my biology book,( as long as I took biology that is till class 10) that the nerves take messages from all through your body to the brain). The nerve entered; let us name the nerve ‘A’. Ok.
Nerve ‘A’ said “sir, she is bored” (that is me for the uninitiated). Mr. Brain yawned and said “she has no other job other than getting bored. Ok, let’s see what we can do to our best to fight the boredom” (yawn).
Nerve ‘A’ “yes sir”.
Departs, Comes after some time and says “let us search for a topic to blog about”.
Mr. Brain responds “ok, search process starts”.
“…………..Searching all files…..
No files found…..
Waste of time…..
Wait….
How about current affairs? She has not written much about current affairs. Hmm…how about ‘TamilNadu-the state you live in’. Not a bad idea. She can write about how the state has been in the past months, like… the election comedy…where the two parties campaign was a full time hilarious comedy, roping in cine actors, color TVs and computers, rice at rupees 2, supporting of quota system, to the recent suspension on ‘Da Vinci code’ screening in the state when the entire country gets to watch it, even the world sees it.
But wait…
She can’t write current affairs…”
Nerve ‘A’ interrupts “But, why sir”
Mr. Brain glares at him and says “Can’t u see I am working, well because she will mess the topic big time! She seldom watches the news, and she has no facts to prove her writing, and what is current affair writing without a pinch of facts and statistical data”
The brain thinks and searches again…
“………still searching…………..
No hope….
Hmm…..
She can write what she is best at….
Stories…
But no she can’t write that….”
Nerve ‘A’, looks up again and open his mouth to question.
Mr. Brain signals him to keep quiet and says “she always writes mills and boon kinds of stories, I am sick of it. And mostly she never lets the lovers to unite. She separates them miserably, except for that one story ‘mistaken identity’ (this is there in the blog) where I convinced her to unite them, and I am still scared what will happen to ‘dreamz’ (also in blog). Well I know she is planning to write the film ‘alaipayuthey’ in her own version, but that can wait for now. I can no longer bear her stories. Do give me a break….
So that topic is dropped”
Nerve ‘A’ grunts and goes to work.
“………searching continues……….
Nothing visible yet….
May be she should write a poem…
The one she wrote ‘show me the meaning’ (in the blog) wasn’t all that bad.
But…”
Nerve ‘A’ looks up with a not again look...
“You know a poem needs a lot of work...
You’ve got to get the words right and the rhyming right, or at least she should insert some similes and metaphors. For that she has to think. And I know she is not ready to do it. She is indeed the laziest person in earth, thanks to me….
So even that topic is dropped...
Hmm….
Maybe she should write about her….
Her way of leading life...
But...”
Nerve ‘A’ is no longer surprised.
“Well, who would want to read about her? The most boring, dull, zany child in this earth. A person who is so sensitive, to whom crying comes as naturally as eating!!! She has written enough about her in her blog ‘discovering myself’ (in the blog too)…
Maybe something else….
How about her friends…
Well she can part them in two as her school friends and college friends and maybe she could compare and see, with whom she is most compatible with.
That seems like a good idea…
But…”
Nerve ‘A’ is no where to be found…
Mr. Brain searches for him and finds him hiding under one of the cells, he pulls him out and holding him says “you have to be there when I search, you cannot let me alone suffer her boredom, and I know we all are doomed for life inside her….
Now where was I…?
Yes… indeed, her friends…
She cannot write about them because she knows her school friends for almost 5 years while she knows her college friends for well, a year maybe. And each friend of her is a separate fish in the pond. Impossible to compare them….
Maybe she should write about ‘How she loves planet earth’….
Or….
‘How jobless she is?’
Or…
‘How terribly she is wasting her holidays’
Or…
‘How often she uses the ‘lol’ word’
But…
I think she won’t make a good job of it”
Nerve ‘A’ is about to collapse, but steadies himself.
Suddenly a green light blinks in Mr. Brain’s mind ‘beep beep beep’
“Got it… just the topic for her…
But not a very interesting topic…
Oh my god…
She made me too boring as her…
Then how else will I think of such a boring topic…
…..”
Nerve ‘A’ is frustrated and yells “will you please spill the beans on the topic chosen, I can no longer bear the suspense, but please don’t say the ‘but’ word again… I beg…please let her write in whatever boring topic you have chosen, I do not care if she made us boring, but right now I need to blow off my steam, so just say the topic and I will deliver it to her, and get away with it”
Mr. Brain says “ok, ok even I am thinking of blowing off steam after this jobless job of searching…. Nerve ‘A’ want to know the topic, well it is nothing but our entire searching process and our conversation….
What do you think…?
Anyway I do not care a bit of what you think, you just carry my orders I hate to take suggestions from others, well go deliver the message to that boring zany child”
Nerve ‘A’ happily is about to go to deliver the message, even though he thinks this is the most boring topic in the world, while he is stopped by a “But nerve ‘A’…” by Mr. Brain.
Nerve ‘A’ collapses on the place.
Mr. Brain comes to him and gets him on the feet and says “I just wanted to say that do we have to give that topic, it is really boring, maybe she should stop blogging for a certain period and go and read ‘the fountain head’ which she has been trying to complete for the past 2 weeks, well but if you feel she should blog, go deliver the message, you are so put out with the whole process, maybe you should deliver it and go on a holiday, I grant you full permission…..”
Nerve ‘A’ rushes off before he hears the ‘but’ word from Mr. Brain.
While Mr. Brain is muttering under his breath
“Maybe I gave the wrong directions…
Maybe she should read ‘the fountain head’ and stop blogging for certain while…
Maybe I made a mistake…
This would have been the most boring blog….”

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But those words indeed fell on deaf ears, as here you see the blog written. And maybe it is the most boring blog, but hey, I wanted to blog something desperately, kindly bear with my crap.

Note: sorry all biology students, I used the little biology I knew.
Maybe my Mr. Brain will come up with a better topic next time,
Currently it is searching for a suitable topic for this blog…
Bingo…
It found the topic…
And you find it in my headline.
Lol
Zany child as always…

SHOW ME THE MEANING

The sun blazed in the sky

The streets were empty

No birds sang in the sky

The trees had stopped swaying

You showed the meaning

Of feeling lonely……

Telling me it was what

I have been living all these years

You showed me the meaning

Of feeling in love…...

Now

The sun smiled at me

The streets were filled with laughing people

The birds sang day and night in the sky

the trees nodded to me

Every time I saw them

You showed me the meaning

Of being wanted….

You showed me the meaning

Of living life……

You showed me the meaning

Of happiness……

You showed me the meaning

Of my existence……

You told me the answers

to all the questions in my life…….

You showed me that

I could bring joy to people…..

You showed me the meaning

Of a fruitful life…….

but….

Why did …

You show me the meaning

Of falling apart…..

You showed me how it felt

To have a broken heart……

I was ‘no one’ before you came

You made me ‘some one’ after you came

But

Was it all to make me return back to ‘no one’

Do answer me

no longer

The sun smiles at me….

No longer

The people in the street laugh….

No longer

The birds sing in the sky….

No longer

The trees sway….

Not through my life

Will I forget?

What feeling lonely

Means…

You taught me a lot of meanings in life

And that was the best one……….

DIScoverinG MYSelf…..INDeed

Well if you are one of the persons reading this crap; join the club for being the most useless, jobless persons of this beautiful planet earth like me!! Well, why else would you try and endure crap like this-discovering myself indeed, lol. Which I tend to write when I am mindlessly bored, and have no other useful work to do other that dreaming of Mr. Right!!! (For more info read the blog on my Mr. Right)

So…. Who am I? What am I doing in this earth? What is the purpose of my existence? What am I suppose to achieve in this earth? What has future in store for me? …….Such a bag full of questions to which answers are to be discovered.

Who am I indeed? …. As far as I know, I am Vidya Natarajan. Period. Nothing more nothing less. A female species on this earth. Lol. And a good little 17 year old girl indeed who is going to be 18 in a month and half. Lol. I think that is what I am, a stupid, dumb, zany, boring child in this earth. Lol.

Hmm… so what do I do on this earth? Study. Lol. That is not much truth there I guess. Well indeed I study, and people say I am good at it. But there is a lot more I can do then go on studying law, tax… (Groan) it sucks. Lol. But the thing I love to study is only one subject and that is Accounts. I almost love that subject. No other subject has interested me like that so far. Well… other than studying, I write crap like this, I listen to music, I paint, I cook, I watch T.V. nothing I does is complete, I am an amateur in all these arts. You can see it yourself from this so called disorganized blog. Lol.

The purpose of my existence – I seriously have to find that so called purpose. Indeed I guess I have no purpose to exist. I am one among the millions in the world, living life like that, with whatsoever no ambitions. And living the way life takes them. Well I do not have any specific goal in my life. I just study, as people around me are studying. And well I took up the courses in college, because people thought I would be good at it. Lol. I don’t even know if I like the courses I have taken up. And my current goal is to clear all papers without a black mark. That’s it; I don’t know what I want to do after that. That is a million dollar question still hanging around in the corner of my head, when I try to think of it, my mind screen goes blank and says that ‘the space is empty, please try again later’!!! Lol!!

What have I achieved so far? Surviving 17 long years in this earth. Passing out of school in a clean mark. Getting a seat in the prestigious college in the city. Passing my ICWA foundation with awesome marks without realizing it. Trying to develop my inner talents, like painting and writing. Enduring boring law and tax classes!! Making myself interested in accountancy. Well... Indeed I have achieved something, so far as far as I am concerned.

The future… the present itself is so bleak to me!! How could I look into the future? I don’t even know what I am going to do today, and you ask me about tomorrow!! On a more serious note, well let me think, it will have some very interesting things in store for me I guess, like making me meet Mr. Right!! Lol. Hmmm, passing out of college, finishing ICWA colorfully, getting a brilliant job with an awesome salary... so much to look forward into the future indeed, but still a hell lot of time left for it.

There are still a hell lot of questions, I am trying to answer. Lol. But when I try to think of what questions they are, like I said, my mind screen goes blank and says ‘the space is empty, please try again later’!!! Lol. I really am a crack pot (if that is a word) and well, zany at times, dull at times, stupid at times, scared at times, scary in turn at times. Hmm... With all these characteristics bundled up in a single, poor person like me, how the hell do I discover my true character? It’s difficult, to see what I really am, it is much worse then multiple personality, as this is not that case, it is one personality with so much characters. Lol. God help me…don’t make me become crazy trying to discover me. Perhaps you will know me better as you are the one who created me. Lol. But god I have one question to ask, did you create me in a hurry, with a lot of tensions in your mind, that you made me soo complicated to understand. Lol. I think u did just that thing. Don’t you know the dare consequences of it god, look now how much I suffer trying to discover me in my free time? Trying to fight my boredom!!! Lol.

Well I guess, I need to give up discovering myself, or else I will turn into a mental case, if I go on typing crap like this. I am very grateful to the person who reached this stage of the article. Indeed ‘hats off’ to you. You have great patience. Trying to endure crap like this. Lol. Kindly do bear with me if I bored the hell out of you. But in the first place it was your fault to read the blog. You did it in your own free will, and so you cannot curse me if I bored you!! Lol!!

Ok, ok let me put an end do this. All you jobless people go find some useful job and be engaged in it. I am going off to do the same thing!! You know if you are jobless for a long, you tend to lose your sanity like this. See the live example is me out here. Lol!! What are you waiting for, get out of this blog.

Lol
Bye
Driving people insane and zany as always
Zany child