Tuesday, May 30, 2006

DIScoverinG MYSelf…..INDeed

Well if you are one of the persons reading this crap; join the club for being the most useless, jobless persons of this beautiful planet earth like me!! Well, why else would you try and endure crap like this-discovering myself indeed, lol. Which I tend to write when I am mindlessly bored, and have no other useful work to do other that dreaming of Mr. Right!!! (For more info read the blog on my Mr. Right)

So…. Who am I? What am I doing in this earth? What is the purpose of my existence? What am I suppose to achieve in this earth? What has future in store for me? …….Such a bag full of questions to which answers are to be discovered.

Who am I indeed? …. As far as I know, I am Vidya Natarajan. Period. Nothing more nothing less. A female species on this earth. Lol. And a good little 17 year old girl indeed who is going to be 18 in a month and half. Lol. I think that is what I am, a stupid, dumb, zany, boring child in this earth. Lol.

Hmm… so what do I do on this earth? Study. Lol. That is not much truth there I guess. Well indeed I study, and people say I am good at it. But there is a lot more I can do then go on studying law, tax… (Groan) it sucks. Lol. But the thing I love to study is only one subject and that is Accounts. I almost love that subject. No other subject has interested me like that so far. Well… other than studying, I write crap like this, I listen to music, I paint, I cook, I watch T.V. nothing I does is complete, I am an amateur in all these arts. You can see it yourself from this so called disorganized blog. Lol.

The purpose of my existence – I seriously have to find that so called purpose. Indeed I guess I have no purpose to exist. I am one among the millions in the world, living life like that, with whatsoever no ambitions. And living the way life takes them. Well I do not have any specific goal in my life. I just study, as people around me are studying. And well I took up the courses in college, because people thought I would be good at it. Lol. I don’t even know if I like the courses I have taken up. And my current goal is to clear all papers without a black mark. That’s it; I don’t know what I want to do after that. That is a million dollar question still hanging around in the corner of my head, when I try to think of it, my mind screen goes blank and says that ‘the space is empty, please try again later’!!! Lol!!

What have I achieved so far? Surviving 17 long years in this earth. Passing out of school in a clean mark. Getting a seat in the prestigious college in the city. Passing my ICWA foundation with awesome marks without realizing it. Trying to develop my inner talents, like painting and writing. Enduring boring law and tax classes!! Making myself interested in accountancy. Well... Indeed I have achieved something, so far as far as I am concerned.

The future… the present itself is so bleak to me!! How could I look into the future? I don’t even know what I am going to do today, and you ask me about tomorrow!! On a more serious note, well let me think, it will have some very interesting things in store for me I guess, like making me meet Mr. Right!! Lol. Hmmm, passing out of college, finishing ICWA colorfully, getting a brilliant job with an awesome salary... so much to look forward into the future indeed, but still a hell lot of time left for it.

There are still a hell lot of questions, I am trying to answer. Lol. But when I try to think of what questions they are, like I said, my mind screen goes blank and says ‘the space is empty, please try again later’!!! Lol. I really am a crack pot (if that is a word) and well, zany at times, dull at times, stupid at times, scared at times, scary in turn at times. Hmm... With all these characteristics bundled up in a single, poor person like me, how the hell do I discover my true character? It’s difficult, to see what I really am, it is much worse then multiple personality, as this is not that case, it is one personality with so much characters. Lol. God help me…don’t make me become crazy trying to discover me. Perhaps you will know me better as you are the one who created me. Lol. But god I have one question to ask, did you create me in a hurry, with a lot of tensions in your mind, that you made me soo complicated to understand. Lol. I think u did just that thing. Don’t you know the dare consequences of it god, look now how much I suffer trying to discover me in my free time? Trying to fight my boredom!!! Lol.

Well I guess, I need to give up discovering myself, or else I will turn into a mental case, if I go on typing crap like this. I am very grateful to the person who reached this stage of the article. Indeed ‘hats off’ to you. You have great patience. Trying to endure crap like this. Lol. Kindly do bear with me if I bored the hell out of you. But in the first place it was your fault to read the blog. You did it in your own free will, and so you cannot curse me if I bored you!! Lol!!

Ok, ok let me put an end do this. All you jobless people go find some useful job and be engaged in it. I am going off to do the same thing!! You know if you are jobless for a long, you tend to lose your sanity like this. See the live example is me out here. Lol!! What are you waiting for, get out of this blog.

Driving people insane and zany as always
Zany child


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